Suicide - not always the selfish choice.
I've heard a lot of people say that suicide is a selfish choice, that the person isn't thinking of the pain they cause those behind. *
In my experience, that's a lot of bullshit. I've known people who were suicidal, who have attempted, and a few who have actually done it. The vast majority of them felt like they were a burden on their loved ones and that their loved ones would be better off without them. They felt so alone that they didn't think they'd be missed all that much, or that their loss would hurt all that much.
Well, they were wrong. There's no dispute about that. But suicidal tendencies, by their very nature, necessitate some cognitive distortions. It'd be selfish if they knew they were hurting people, and did it anyway. That's not the case. They believe that their existence is causing people pain, so they are committing the unselfish act of removing themselves from the presence of others, to ease their burden. It's misguided, but they're not exactly thinking coherently.
You know, I've been there. I've sat on my parents' bed with a gun in my hand. (My stepdad was a police officer - he kept the gun hidden, but not well enough. Fortunately for me, he kept the ammo very well hidden.) I've thought that there was no other way out of this pain, and that my continued presence was just dragging down everyone around me. I can see clearly now that this is so much bullshit, but at the time it was like a mantra, and I was incapable of being introduced to new information. People say suicide is a choice. It's not much of one when you're deep in depression. It feels like a choice between peacefully laying on the beach or wrestling wild alligators. That's no choice, that's a certainty. Who the fuck would willingly pick alligators?
I don't have the solutions to suicide. I just don't think it makes sense to demonize the victim by saying that he/she is selfish and (by inference) stupid to have made that choice.
*Generally, these are people who haven't ever been pushed to the edge.
