I've come to realize that I have immense difficulty expressing how I feel in a direct fashion, because I often think that what I'm feeling is unjustified. I push away these feelings, and sometimes Buddhism provides a convenient language in which to do this. "Oh, that anger is anatta, not-self. There really is no 'me.' I shouldn't react to it. I should abide in upekkha, equanimity. Anger is a klesha, defilement, and I vow to purify myself of defilements." When really what I want to do is throw something or cry.
So, sometimes that anger does decompose if it's minor enough and buried in swampy enough ground. Usually what happens is that the anger from that specific situation fades, until I encounter that specific situation again. Which I nearly always do, in some form. I suppose that's what they mean when they say you'll keep encountering the same problem until you resolve it.
Back to my point... I like to think that I'm a generous, compassionate, easygoing person. And frequently I am. But these are not fixed qualities, and their opposites (selfishness, coldness, anger) also exist within me. This is what I have trouble accepting, and loving unconditionally. I am not being who I am when I'm trying to be that "good" person.
