The black hole of public transportation

This is a portion of the RTA map showing our new house (we're moving in this weekend). I haven't owned a car in ten years, but it looks like I'll have to get one.

My guy woke me up today with a kiss and said "hey there, sleeping beauty" when I opened my eyes.

That is all.

Throwing darts at calendars

What is with all the pressure to pick a wedding day? Jaysus, we haven't even moved yet. At the earliest, it'll be next spring, but more likely the fall. What goddamn difference does it make now if it's September 6 or October 18?

I'm tempted just to make up a date. How about September 31, 2008?

My most visited sites, all time

...according to Google History, I'm pretty boring.

1. - my first stop when I'm wondering "who is that guy?"
2. - apparently, my second stop, though this surprises me.
3. - um, duh
4. - self-explanatory
5. - I did all my Christmas shopping here.
6. - see #4
7. - what to wear today?
8. - apparently I don't trust #7
9. - getting organized
10. - the local rag

Moments of stupidity

Sometimes you'd think I was still 23 and a complete idiot.

Last night I went out with a group of people with whom I used to work. It was someone's birthday, and the wine was flowing. I had a bit too much (okay, way too much) on a mostly-empty stomach.

This probably would have been okay, but my fiance had driven home from work just to see me, and he was not overjoyed to have to come pick me up in the rain when I couldn't even stand up straight. To be honest, I'm surprised I recognized his truck. I was that sloshed. I don't think I said a word on the way home.

I puked and went to bed, and woke up with a fat lip, which was probably obtained by banging my face on the porcelain throne.

Klonopin and alcohol do not mix. Repeat as necessary.

You know they're not a designer when...

I'm doing a freelance database project, and I inquired as to whether they could put me in touch with their designer so the look-and-feel of the db forms matches the site. I got this e-mail this morning.

I have on our ftp site some photos that Mike has taken that he'd like to have represented on the website. They are currently saved in a word document.

That's a bad omen, isn't it?

Wedding Idea

So, on a lark, I threw out the idea of getting married at the historic Oriental Theatre in Milwaukee. It was kind of a joke, but now I'm nearly obsessed with the idea. They have a huge stage, tons of comfortable seating, and even an organ. It's within walking distance of several restaurants that could host a reception. Best of all, we could show a film, presumably of our own making (the boy says he's always wanted to take up filmmaking as a hobby).

I mean, just look at the place! (All pictures copyrighted to Searl and Associates, Architects)

I <3 random public art

Taken from the Route 30 bus on Prospect and North Ave.

Text: "Unless Someone Like You Cares a Whole Awful Lot, Nothing Is Going To Get Better. It's Not. Dr. Seuss"


I got my 8 gb nano (black) today. It's my graduation present to myself. I like small stuff.

I'm also trying out the Safari browser, now that they've released it for the PC. So far, not bad. The text rendering is a little weird, and I think I want to find a different skin (I don't like the metallic grey default). I do like the blue progress indicator in the address bar. I'd still use Firefox if I could fix the rendering problem, though.

(Aside: Do you ever get the sense that Apple and PC are becoming less and less distinguishable, like Republicans and Democrats? The hardliners on either side will scoff, but the vast majority in the middle can't see much of a difference.)


I've been feeling tremendous waves of guilt that my life is going so smoothly when my cousin felt so miserable he had to kill himself. I suppose this is the survivor's guilt they speak of. We both had shitty childhoods - his far worse than mine - and it's like two people in a car wreck, but only one survives. Why wasn't it me? I mean, I thought about suicide nearly constantly when I was a teenager.

I don't know if this makes me feel worse or better, but I found out that he'd started community college in the past few years, and was evidently trying to get his life back together. It's that much more of a tragedy if he was on the right track, but it also makes it that much more inexplicable.

It infuriates me that some family members apparently think I should be done grieving already, since he and I hadn't spoken in years. It's been 2 1/2 weeks since I found out. I'm angry at them for other reasons too, so this doesn't help.

I really, really, really want to smoke. I haven't had a cigarette in over 2.5 years. It won't make me feel any better, won't even blunt the feelings like alcohol does, but it seems like a giant FUCK YOU to rationality. Or something.

Take your fiancée to work day!

I'm in Mr. Big Shot's office today. He brought me down here for a meeting with his boss since I might do some freelance work on their Web site. It's great to be close to him, especially since we've been apart for a week, but I don't think we'd do well working together all the time. I believe in the strict separation of work and pleasure.


So, awhile back I offered to create a Web site for a family member's small business. At the time, it was a way for me to expand my technical and creative horizons, and for him to get some Web presence. I didn't expect any pay, but he was nice enough to give me a gift for my time. A few months ago, he wanted some things updated, and a new picture gallery added. I told him that I was busy with final projects, but when I graduated from school, I'd have more time to do these.

I've been out of school for three weeks. In that time, I've gotten engaged, I've had the graduation ceremony, I've been job hunting and house hunting. I've had 2 freelance (PAID) projects which have come up, and which have short deadlines.

And my cousin killed himself. (Other side of the family; the two guys have never met.)

So, this guy doesn't have the balls to directly express his impatience about the Web site, but goes through another family member. The really precious part is that he now wants the same family member, who does not even know how to install Frontpage, to take over the site updates. Good fucking luck. I'm 99.9% sure this person will be calling me for technical assistance, and in my embittered state I feel like telling them all to go fuck themselves.

I feel like replacing all the gallery images with goatse. (Don't go googling that, you'll puke.)

I'll calm down, and I'll come up with some better solution, but jesus - I've never asked these people for anything. If you want a professional Web site, PAY someone. If you want customer service that asks "how high?" when you say jump, PAY someone.

Not for weak stomachs

Warning: this will spoil your appetite.

So, I'm on the bus, heading home from downtown, and this unkempt guy gets on. I can't tell if he's drunk or mentally ill from the way he's staggering and talking to himself, but it doesn't really make much difference in this context. He motions towards some girl sitting alone, and her eyes widen in horror, but fortunately for her, he sits down next to some teenage boy. He apparently tries to strike up a conversation with this boy (what the HELL are they gonna talk about?), but the boy just smiles awkwardly and turns towards the window.

A few blocks later, the guy is still babbling, and then he just lets out a stunning projectile vomit. All over his lap, on the floor, possibly in the person's hair in front of them. I'm so glad I'm sitting a few seats back, but unfortunately I've got a pretty good view of all this. The poor kid was trapped - he'd have to climb over someone to get out.

At the next stop, the driver glanced back. I don't know what happened next; I decided to walk the rest of the way and wonder how people let themselves get to that point.


I thought the showering and the clean clothes and the caffeine would make me feel more motivated, but actually, getting out of the house made me feel worse, because it's sunny and nice, but I have to sit in front of a computer.

I've been full of anxiety lately, and it's not hard to see why. We're moving, I'm (supposed to be) job hunting, we're (supposed to be) house hunting, and I've got people breathing down my neck about projects I'd said I'd complete once I was out of school. The default for me and most people I know is temporary paralysis. We just shut down and mope around the house in our bathrobes until someone pokes us hard enough with a sharp stick that we're once more motivated to move.

I've come to the conclusion that humans are, at base, profoundly irrational creatures desperately searching for any bit of rationality they can find - but then furiously destroying it once they've found it. Perhaps it's time to embrace our irrationality and face the fact that rational thought is forever going to be that piece of driftwood just out of reach while we flail in the currents of our own thoughts.

I didn't mean to be this deep today. This was going to be a post about how I'm so over LOLcats, and how I've completely failed to grasp the point of Twitter. Then there was going to be something about the coolness of (some) HDR work on Flickr (and the banality of others). But, ya know, you really can't predict.

My designated Web Hour is coming to a close, so it's time to get back on the horse and ride it off into the SQL sunset.


I really couldn't think of a caption for this one. This is a snapper turtle who was hanging out by our campsite this weekend. Maybe he's laughing at the sheer number of ticks that found us tasty. The boy pulled off at least 6 or 7 from himself; I had 3, including one deer tick on my hip. So I'll be watching that spot closely.

Kinky camp was low-key and relaxing this year. I found myself able to get into a really good headspace and apparently so did he. Sometimes the dynamic just flows without having to force it at all.

Unfortunately, it's back to reality this week. I've got several projects going, and I'm saving my AskMeFi questions for technical inquiries I know I'll have. The boy is staying at his parents' this week to reduce his commute to work. Having the place to myself is always nice in theory, but in reality I quickly get lonely without him. The dogs and cats are a poor substitute.