My first Internet crush

I'm listening to the song "Truly, Madly, Deeply" by Savage Garden (it's on an iTunes playlist called Sappy Love Songs). It reminds me of one of the first guys I ever talked to online. He lived one state away, and I thought he was the greatest thing since sliced bread. We made tentative plans to meet, but never did. Looking back, I see what a trainwreck that would have been. The guy had red flags all over him. But my feelings at the time felt so real.

Feelings are just not something you can trust, which is why I maintain that love, true love, is not a feeling, but a decision. I decided to fall in love with my boy. It wasn't as cold as keeping a balance sheet of his good qualities vs. his flaws. It was simply a decision to allow myself to act on my feelings, because that was in my best interests. I don't see why people say they've decided to commit to someone, but they fall in love.

I don't know where I'm going with this. I have a cold and I'm hopped up on Sudafed. Maybe large doses of Vitamin C make you prone to introspection. At any rate, whenever I look back on all the relationships and pseudo-relationships I've ever had, I realize I've made the smartest choice of my life. There's no one I'd rather be with for five minutes.

Damn this playlist.

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