The monsters in my head return

We spent some time away this weekend; this was taken from a fishing boat we rented. It seems like most people feel more relaxed when they get away. I wonder if it's a function of panic disorder that I usually feel more tense. I'm away from my usual routine and all the comforts of home. I like knowing where I am and what to expect.

Being away also brings me closer to whatever I've been avoiding. The constant white noise of daily life dies down. There's no minutiae to take care of, and I'm left with the monsters in my head. This weekend they were very loud and insistent, and I realized I have a very insidious problem in the way I relate to my fiancé. This bad habit I have is like a cancer; there's no easy way to remove it because it's entangled in everything I do.

The first step, of course, is awareness.

I've only had about 8 hours sleep total for the past two nights