Okay, so it's been awhile. I slipped off into the suffering slumber of samsara, and now I'm shaking myself awake. Sometimes I need a reminder of why I chose this path, and I certainly have had that in the past month. All my suffering - every tiny little bit - has been created by me and me alone. My expectations dictate the level of my suffering. The less willing I am to accept things as they are, the more suffering I must endure. Simple cause and effect.

Sometimes I am angry or resentful and can't pinpoint a source, which is where mindfulness comes in. There are one hundred little things that upset me on a daily basis, but what is really going on? Am I really that childish and selfish that I will throw a mini-tantrum if I don't get my way? I keep thinking I should be more mature, but the fact is that I'm not. I haven't yet learned how to drive the cart; the horse is still leading me. (And he's easily spooked.)\

There seem to be two schools of thought - the one that seeks to get to the root of the problem so it can be effectively resolved; and the one that seeks to pull out the arrow without needing to know who shot it or why. I waver between these two. I know it's a myth that there is some grand "solution," but I keep looking for it anyway.